Flavour of Life

I went to Shinjuku today. My first trip alone in Tokyo, it was an interesting experience.

My major goal was to find the Kinokuniya with the intent of purchasing books I need for my Murakami class, but it turned out to be so much more. I needed to see if I could handle this alone; being in a strange city, having a poor comand of the spoke of language, getting around confusing train stations, not being harrassed by the cops. I did alright.

For the past few weeks, I have been afraid to be alone. Perhaps it was the stress, the feeling of being an outsider, but I just couldn't bare to be by myself, as if I was afraid of my own voice in my own head. Today I got out, alone, and quieted my demons. I found where I need to be, got what I needed, even stopped to make a completley random purchase. It was nice, just me and my inner monolouge (and of course, my Ipod).

There have been setbacks. My visa status is still up in the air. My Japanese is non-functioning. It's incredibly difficult to meet people (more so then even I, the eternal realist, throught it would be), it's nearly impossible to meet women. But today, walking through the glass and steel towers of Shinjuku, and strolling past students and residents on their way home in Takadanobaba, I felt at peace despite it all.

My friend Ken gave me a compliment last night, possibly the best thing anyone has said to me in a long time. We were discussing why we came here, why various people come here, and Ken (who is half Japanese, half Chinese from Thailand) told me he doesn't feel like he belongs in Thailand. Then he said to me, "Anson, you belong here. I really think that you, out of all of us, belong here."

I like to think he is on to something.